The parties undersigned, members all of the Reial Gremi d’Assadolladors [“Royal Guild of Satiators”], fellows of S’excursionista santanyinera [“The Santanyí Ramblers”], here set forth, with all due respect and consideration, the following project:

A house, in order to be what can be called a good home, must meet certain fundamental conditions, herewith: good foundations, a good staircase, good walls, well-fired roof tiles, a good store of supplies, a good woodpile, good rooms, a cleansing agent, large windows, enough pegs and a good set of doors. Well, then, any group of men who get together, to whatever purpose, be it commercial, industrial or for amusement, in order to maintain order and sound management and to work properly, they also need to have good foundations, a good staircase, good walls, well-fired roof tiles, a good store of supplies, a good woodpile, good rooms, a cleansing agent, large windows, enough pegs and a good set of doors. As we define posts we would like them to be filled and expect you to exercise universal suffrage to its full potential for the first time.

Good foundations — That is to say, principles in its constitution and order in its life. What is a man without his head? A monster, a bird without feathers, a fish out of water. So far, we are no more than a wheel-less wagon, a headless man. So, what is the first thing we must do? Lay the foundations, produce a head and join it to the body of this meeting. Good leadership, an authority to whom we all bow, a commodore to whom we swear unreserved obedience, who must command us as he sees fit and pass judgement on any quarrels that might arise among us, is absolutely essential. Who is our commodore to be? Nicolau Clar.

A good staircase — We need two types of leadership: one moral, to which we have appointed the commodore, the other, let’s say material, to manage the boat, our itinerary, the captain of the ship. Who is this captain to be? Jaume Antich

Good walls — That is to say, resistant, strong, able to withstand the weight upon them. Walls are to a house what good administration is to us, therefore, we must appoint a purser from among us, someone who knows how to safeguard without spending, or being robbed of, a single cent we have entrusted to him. He, the purser, will carry a pouch, box, chest or purse, from which he will always pay for whatever purchases we have all agreed on. Who is the purser to be? Llorenç Bonet.

Well-fired roof tiles — The roof crowns the building, it is the finishing touch. This trip of ours cannot just be left like that, it must survive beyond us. How are we to manage that? This is where the chronicle comes in. A chronicle to immortalize events, to record our achievements in letters of stone, to set forth, in a lasting fashion, the heroic deeds of the brave, of this enterprise of ours. Who is the chronicler to be? Miquel Clar.

A good store of supplies — An abundance (unless of hunger, filth or blows) is never a drawback: here we are not taking the container for the contents but the contents for the container, we have no need for fancy kitchen racks, nor lined cupboards, but for a good supply of all we require for a well-stocked store. Who among us wants to leave without a store of supplies? Among you, especially, dearly respected members of the guild of satiators? And not only do we need to leave with a full store, we need to refill it and replenish our stores every day. So, we need someone in charge of stores. Who is the storekeeper to be? Marc Vidal.

A good woodpile — I would really like you to concentrate all your faculties here. A good woodpile! You may save a cent on other things, but never skimp on logs, logs support the ceiling, the ceiling supports the life of man. What is a ceiling without logs? A store of supplies without a kitchen. A kitchen without a cook. That is why the role of cook is so important. Can we do without? No way! Suicide is not permissible. We cannot live without food. The title of cook does not refer to the actual preparation of the food (which we shall all take turns to do) but to managing the kitchen. Who is our master cook to be? Toni Vadell.

A cleansing agent — Cleansing is as essential to a house as self-defence is natural to mankind. Have you never heard of pirates? Most of them are found at sea. So, then, would it not be a good idea to have an armed force with us on our ship? It is only right, in case we fell into the clutches of one of those birds of prey and were swallowed up. Our defence must be as strong as a fresh water source, so, who is our policeman to be? Jaume Cavallot.

Large windows — This means good ventilation, communication with the outside world which, for our purposes, means our external communications. We shall no doubt visit villages and ports with inhabitants and will need to have dealings with them, so we shall need a doughty. Who is it to be? Pere Bordoy.

Good rooms — Just as a good house must have good rooms, so good management, to work properly, cannot be the responsibility of only one person, there must be good staff. On this outing, as you all know, our road will be the sea. When we are surrounded by sea, sandbanks and cliffs, what a delight to hear the voice of command of our commodore! The sea! A well-tuned guitar! Oh! Who among you has not become entranced one hundred times by the charming majesty and the divine sublimity of its movements? The sea! What a delight to hear the roar of the waves driven by the fury of hurricane-force winds breaking against the shore! And what a delight to listen to the touching melodies issuing from blowholes and sea caves on days of calm! Priceless. And besides, the sea!, while being a place for fun and amusement, requires from those on it promptness in all their actions, speed in their manoeuvres, consistency in all their movements. We must react speedily, like soldiers, to the voice of command. The pot is boiling? To the table at once! The sun is rising? Eyes open and up you get! So, we need a voice that can be heard from everywhere; we need some kind of mediating instrument, whichever you like, bagpipes, a trumpet, a horn, a drum, a bugle; but what am I saying?, to sound the horn, what better than a horn. If you agree, who is our hornblower to be? Jaume Antoni Clar i Vicens.

A good set of doors — What is the purpose of window panes and doors? They are for closing. And why do we close them? For two reasons. Which are? To keep out burglars and to get rid of a cold. And why are you saying this? Because we need a tailor. Tell us, and will a tailor keep out burglars and kill colds? You’re right he will! Can you show us how? By patching a hole or mending a tear. That’s the way to fend off ticks, ants and other fierce creatures, and prevent the circulation of unhealthy air between clothes and skin. So, we need a tailor who, hands down, will patch up any mishaps which may befall our clothes. Who shall we appoint as tailor? Lluc Clar i Oliver.

Enough pegs — This does not mean that the house must be full of pegs, but there must be enough of them to be able to hang up whatever you want or need. You come in from the countryside carrying a basket of snails? You hang it on a peg and, if you don’t find the snails, you will always find the basket. You have a bag of broad beans? On to the peg with it, and rest assured that if nobody goes near it or it doesn’t give you the slip itself, you will find it on the peg when you go back for it. So, then, it is crucial to have a good amanuensis, in charge of writing all the letters required to let our respective families know where we are. Who must our amanuensis be?

Not too many luxuries — That means not exceeding the limit of our purse-strings. Does that mean that our purse must never be empty? And should that happen, how do we go about remedying it? By filling it. So, we need a debt collector, someone in charge of filling our purse, of collecting from each of us the amounts due and handing them over to our purser. Who is the debt collector to be? Jaume Antoni Clar Vidal.

This concludes our proposals and we now have the honour of presenting them for the approval of vostre Reial Butza [your Royal Belly].

Pep Fam Gallina[1]. Toni Desanat[2]. Tià Dejuna[3].

The following Project was approved on this day, 25 June 1899.
The Commodore
The Chronicler

Humorous surnames meaning Hunger Chicken (translator’s note)
Humorous surname meaning Famished (TN)
Humorous surname meaning Fasting (TN)
A quartí, plural quartins, is a liquid measure and also a container with a capacity of 26.67 litres (TN)